It is Valentine’s Day!
While I am not one to normally celebrate this, I do have strong feelings for someone else you have had the opportunity to meet…though I cannot say whom. My name is Fravia and although I am not a main character in this story, I do have a strong connection to one of them. I’ve been trying multiple times to show him just how interested I am in him but there has been no reciprocation on his end. It is frustrating because I do not know what else to do without seeming too desperate. Have you ever been in that situation? You just want to tell someone exactly how you feel but you don’t want to put yourself out there too much? What if they don’t feel the same way? What if they reject you? What if it changes the relationship you two share now?
I am a strong, independent female that does not need a counterpart
…but would be nice to have. These feelings have been within me for a while but I am starting to reach that point where I should maybe start looking elsewhere. Maybe something more appealing will come my way and change things up. Certainly would not mind that happening but where I live, there are not many of us coming and going. It is pretty much all of us in our city, and I know nearly everyone.
Joe Dayvie has told me about his own history with his husband and it has been a wild ride. There have been some amazing times for them and really difficult lows…and I felt bad for him, but he told me not to. He said “those challenging times brought us as close as we are now.” I mean…how adorable is that!? Ultimately that is what I want to feel and experience. I’ve been with others but never anything serious. I sometimes wonder if I am too picky and I have lowered my standards but still…nothing appealing really comes in my direction.
My parents are two individuals which I admire. They have been married for many years, I forget how long. They seem to still like each other which is the most admirable part to me. Joe mentioned the same thing but seeing it on the faces of my parents really resonates with me. It is inspiring and keeps me hopeful that one day I will have that for myself.
This…other person who I have been trying to connect with has brought me to some dark places. It has made me feel sad, bitter and depressed.
Not simply because of him but the loneliness I feel, especially on a day like today, is palpable. It really can mess up someones mind, which is why I do not like these days. I think it is best to keep busy so I am thankful to Joe to have me here today. Granted this is not taking much of my time, it was the main focus of my day. Spending it with Joe, we shared cups of coffee, discussing each others lives, and getting to know one another on a deeper level. It really means a lot to me. Having a discussion with him really allowed me to be in touch with my emotions on a deeper level. So much so, that I wrote some poetry 🎭 I had no intention of sharing it with the world, but maybe it is for the best. Maybe expressing my own personal emotion will help me work through some of my own issues, so I guess here it goes.
You don’t have a clue,
you look like Mr. Magoo.
You don’t know what is true,
and you don’t know what to do.
You feel down and out,
all you can do is pout.
It’s not how you want to feel,
you wish this was not real.
Some of you may come and go,
but I will see it through the low.
It may not be the journey I chose,
my life is one that I compose.
Appreciate this life,
cherish the moment.
Because you have it all,
and you don’t even know it.
These sets of four lines were written at different times that I just happened to piece together. Seems like they were meant to be but maybe that is just my perception. Poetry is something I have dabbled in only because I am such an avid reader, thanks to my parents. Never something I would have ever shared though. I guess this is me starting to branch out a little.
Thank you for taking time out of your day to read my words and for getting to know me. It is exhilarating to have an outlet like this…maybe I will do something similar to this back home. That is an interesting thought…hmm…
Make sure to subscribe to this blog so me and others could continue to write and share our thoughts with you all. This world of yours is more than we could have ever imagined. It is wild, huge and unpredictable. There is so much to learn and observe that I don’t understand how anyone has time to do anything else but that.